Pain. Pain. Then Finally Pleasure.

You. The very mention of your name make girls swoon over… so when you told
me you loved me, it was as if time was at a stand still… as if all the alcohol I have drunk was racing to my head and conspiring to make it explode.

You. Synonymous to player, babaero, manloloko. So when you told me you loved me it was as if the world made the biggest joke… and I was unfortunate enough to be the butt of it.

You. Pursued me and with every attempt I made to evade your charms I was getting sucked by an all consuming black hole. And as was inevitable I gave in.

You. The perfect trophy. Shining with all your glory. Handsome and rich… and that was your only purpose to me, a trophy. But as moments pass that I spent in your arms, I knew that I couldn’t fool anyone. Not even myself.

You. Say the words I want to hear… your expression of your love move me to tears. Why has life decided to be so cruel to me? Why can’t I suppress this feeling that I have for you that has grown so completely awry?

You. Are my self-torture device. That I myself have chosen to turn on… and you made the first step turning it off… as I was crying myself to sleep one night for the pain was to unbearable, you were there and without a single word you held me cradled me in your arms telling me that you would never leave me and you’d be sure to fight anything that would hurt me… chase away all my fears as your eyes were drenched as well in tears… at that moment the pain was gone… even the stupid hangover that I’ve grown not to mind. “Never leave me” you said, “chase away all my fears” you said. But didn’t you know that act had already chased my fears away. Because that was all I wanted… for you not to leave. The tears rolling down your cheeks were all the sincerity I could ever ask for…

You. Make me believe in chances. As I woke up with your eyes intently watching me, as you gently kissed my forehead I thought to myself maybe, just maybe you really do love me… with that one thought I smiled. He smiled as well, saying “I think I’m in love with an insane woman! One minute she’s crying, smiling the next.” And then he giggled, my God! How adorable the sound he made! Then seriousness in his face returned “why were you crying?” silence. “Fine! If you won’t tell me why you were crying at least tell me why you were smiling.” Silence. “Maybe” he said “you shouldn’t drink anymore.” And I said “I’d give up anything for you.” He smiled then kissed me… but in my heart it answered: “You. You were the reason for everything. The torture. And thankfully, finally the delight.”

I know what I am facing is not an actual guaranteed happiness. But I also know this feeling is much better! *smiles*


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