I want to go Scuba Diving.

How I wish I could go on Scuba Diving.

I always have phobias with oceans. When I was young, we went to the beach and my dad let me ride on his back while he go swimming, then I slipped off. I thought I’m going to die, and I was struggling myself to breathe. Since then, I always have the fear.

Though I joined swimming lessons, I still have my fear. So swimming lesson became useless, ’cause when I’m there in the water, I forget how to swim ’cause my phobia takes over me.

There was one time when we went out for an Island Hopping. Our boat stops at the middle of the ocean so we could go swimming. I was so confident with myself thinking that I had been to a swimming lessons back in college. So I jumped in the water, but of course with a life jacket on. I still struggled. I’m already wearing a life jacket but it became useless ’cause the waves are pulling me over and my life’s jacket makes it even harder for me to control myself. So I let my friend untied all the knots and I had it removed, thinking that without it, I could make swimming even better, but it worsen the situation.

After how many months of swimming lessons in the past, I felt that I just wasted my time, effort and money. Without a life jacket, I was  drowning! So I tried my hardest to keep my self at the sides of the boat so I could hold on to something and waves won’t eat me. Worst, I pretend that I was just okay. People knew I attended swimming lessons before so I have to pretend or else they will laugh at me. I was so afraid that I can’t even move out or swim out from one point to another or else, I might drown myself. So when it’s time to go back to the boat, I let somebody help me wore the life jacket back and I tried my best to float myself back to the boat. Whew! it was one of the hardest thing I ever put myself into. I will not swim again if I can’t touch the floor or else, I might drown myself the next time.

It’s so funny when for all these years I thought I knew how to swim and just when you need to swim you’ll realize that you can’t. What a suicide!

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