The Struggles of an Insomniac

oThere are only two people whom I know have seen how bad I am when it comes to sleeping; my boyfriend and my best friend.

My boyfriend knows that whenever I get the chance to put myself to sleep, then that’s my lucky day. He knows what to do. He will let me sleep as much as I can, except if I have work, of course, but I know, if he has a choice, he won’t wake me up because he understands I am awake most of the time in a day.

My best friend is the one who always tell me to go to bed because it’s already late in the morning (I work at night so morning is my bedtime if you get what I mean). And when she force me to sleep, she really does it in a harsh manner, because she knows if she won’t do it, then I will end up being awake for the rest of the day. She also gives me tips on how I can easily sleep, but it doesn’t really work on me.

So let me share you my struggles ― and it’s real.

1. I’m fatigued all day and active all night. I seem to get all the energy I need when I don’t need it. The morning is the worst time of the day for me because my body is still trying to comprehend what the hell is happening to it and my mind is in a million different places – this fatigue suddenly disappears when it’s night time and it’s actually time to sleep.

2. Clocks and alarms give me anxiety. Time goes by so fast when I have insomnia that some days I’m not even sure if I even slept at all or I spent the night looking at the time calculating how many hours are left for me to get up and how many hours of sleep I can get.

3. When I finally fall asleep, it’s always 10 minutes before the alarm goes off, and I start wondering why the universe really hates me like that.

4. Anything will wake me up. Birds, people yelling, the sun or anything thing that just makes a sound will wake me up. Even on the days I sleep, I can’t stay asleep.

5. I become my genius self before bed. As soon as I rest my head on the pillow, I start thinking about all the great things I can do and how I can change the world. I start thinking of unrealistic scenarios and ideas for new projects that will serve humanity and make the world a better place.

6. I also become my own worst enemy before bed. If I’m  not thinking about changing the world, I’m thinking about the latest comment my boss said and what he really meant, or why my boyfriend didn’t text or call me back and I replay the day in my head thinking of ways I could’ve said or done things better.

7. Stalking is another alternative to sleep. When I can’t sleep, I start doing some intensive stalking on the person I like, my best friend, my favorite celebrity, my favorite blog page ― any stalking during night time is guaranteed to get me juicy information.

8. Sleepovers is not meant for me. Sleepovers mean that everyone will sleep and I will just stay up awkwardly not knowing what to do, where to go or who to talk to so I will just stare at the wall or the ceiling because if I get up, I might wake my friends up.

9. I’ve considered taking sleeping pills. I’m starting to believe that I can’t naturally cure my  insomnia so I seriously start thinking of taking sleeping pills instead of counting sheep.

10. I’m always told that I look tired. It’s like my trademark. From the way I look to the dark circles under my eyes, everyone and their mother always tell me that I look tired and I should get some sleep.

11. I can’t sign up for any activity before 8 am. So long boot camps and early meetings. It must be nice on the other side of the world.

12. Weekends are the only reason I’m alive. I get to finally sleep even though not consistently but I make up the hours somehow and then I get to feel what it’s like to be like other humans on weekdays.

13. I convince myself that there’s hope. When I finally have a good night’s sleep, I throw myself a mini party and I think that I’ve finally figured out a way to cure my insomnia only to realize the same night that it’s not going anywhere and I’m wide awake at night again.


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