What happens when someone shows up with beautiful intentions to love you whole-heartedly and they just so happen to know exactly how?
I am okay with being alone because I know just how safe that is. I don’t like the feeling of unworthiness that comes from being with someone who is emotionally advanced and knows exactly how to adore me.
I want love, I want to be taken care of and I want to love so badly in return. There will be moments of convincing myself to dive in and moments of wanting to walk away. I’ll pretend I am not falling in love with him as much as I actually am. I will probably spend crying in the shower because I will understand how terrified I am of what is right in front of me.
I am constantly in circumstances where this person is wanting to take care of me; he knows how to communicate and all I know how to do is listen. I push, but I don’t push fully because subconsciously, I know exactly what it’s like to push as hard as I can until I am being walked away from. I’ll observe his actions, and become completely infatuated with his ability to spill raw pain out of his lips and I will witness complete disarray out of his eyes.
Maybe that’s the moment I know I am in love. It’s seeing something in someone else that you want for yourself, that’s the real moment of adoration and attachment for me.
What I’ve learned is that when we practice loving someone who isn’t scared of love, they don’t let us run. They don’t let us completely shut down. They don’t let us function out of fear. They stay.
This relationship that I’ve gotten to experience is a gift within itself. Maybe this is my forever relationship; maybe it’s one I’ll remember just because it was the beginning of finding my freedom in love rather than suffocation.
All I can say is after you let someone love you who knows how to love, continue to practice loving. Love them each moment more gently, more acceptingly, believing you’re more worthy, and believing they’re worthy too.
Letting someone love you is a journey within itself. This journey of being loved by someone who knows how to love is merely the recognition of our healing and the birthplace of joy.