Letting Go Of Control

“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.”

Sometimes I try really hard to control things.

In many ways, control gives me a sense of peace of mind.

When my team is doing what they are supposed to be doing, I can relax. When company is booming, I can relax. When I am getting what I want, I can relax. This control freakness doesn’t just apply for me at work.

I used to be this way about my body, and I notice these tendencies even pop up in my relationships, too. When I feel like I am in control, I feel free.

When I feel like I’m not in control, I feel frustrated, scared, and angry. It rocks my sense of security straight to my core.

It’s tough to admit, but it’s the truth.

I’m getting a lot better at relaxing without needing to be in control, and I’m realizing that the greatest control is in letting go of the need for it.

When I try to control, I get attached to how I think it should play out; I think I know the best way for things to happen. But many examples in my life have shown me that when I trust and let go of thinking I know best, the outcome is better than anything I could have imagined.

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up the desire, it means letting go of the struggle.

It’s exhausting needing to be in control all the time, isn’t it? And the truth really is that any sense of control that we think that we have is false anyway.

Our greatest power is in learning how to trust. When we focus on our desires with a sense of non-attachment to exactly how they unfold, it releases the blocks and opens us up to greater opportunity.

As a society, I feel like we need to remind each other often that an unhappy journey does not lead to a happy ending. It’s like we believe that if an achievement doesn’t involve stress or hardship, we don’t deserve it.

We do deserve it. and we do deserve a life built around a lot of ease and fun.

What’s one thing you do to let go and release stress?


Mental Health Over Everything

There is nothing wrong with wanting space, or time, or isolation. I don’t say any of that like it’s okay to cut yourself out of the picture completely, I’m just saying–You don’t always have to live in the moment.

Choose a movie marathon over a party if that’s what you need. Throw your attention to the stars if it’s too distracted anywhere else. Sleep in on the weekends and let your responsibilities realize they take you for granted.

Be honest enough to tell the people around you that life gets too heavy sometimes and you gotta check out.

There is nothing wrong with carving out a shelter apart from this dimension and putting everything on pause for a while. It’s got nothing to do with anyone or anything else, it’s about you.

Take care of yourself, even if it means you have to put life on hold for a bit. Time goes on, but we can pretend like it doesn’t. Because even though time is always ready to take us back again, you won’t always be ready to go.

Take mental health days, take daily breathers, they don’t make you fragile, they keep you strong.

To Anyone Who Has Ever Asked Me Or Will Ever Ask Me Why I Chose Him

If there’s something I really believe in when it comes to love, it has got to be the fact that we don’t choose who we fall in love.

If I can choose, I would choose to fall in love with someone living just right next door, someone in the same city as I am, someone whom I don’t have to spend thousands of pesos for airplane tickets, hotel accommodations, and an hour in an airplane that may fall and crash anytime just to see.

I’d fall in love with a childhood crush, I’d choose my love story, and pick the one with the best outcomes, and the one that gives me the best reputation. I will pretty much fall in love with someone who’s the best or gives me the best.

But I didn’t.

I didn’t fall in love in the circumstances I choose.

However, I fell in love with the person who’s worth staying up late for, the person who’s worth working my ass off for that thousand of pesos and spending an hour in a crammed seat of an airplane that may crash into the sea anytime. I fell in love with someone who made me feel that they were worth it. I fell in love with someone who made me feel worthy of me.

Fix Me

I’m not sure why all of a sudden a friend gave me a round trip plane ticket. I know it was an act of gratitude but it’s totally out of nowhere and I started to wonder. For some reason, I felt nervous. Things got so shaky lately between us and so flying in 2 days after I got the ticket is something that really makes me scared. It’s like fate did it with purpose, like someone supernatural find it’s way for me to be here.

Before my flight, I had a bad feeling that this trip will be like “make it or break it.” And it seems like I am right all along. I’ve been here for 2 weeks and all we did is fight over our differences, mostly about me, and I admit it, it was me all along.

I’m not mad, I can’t get mad back at him, I love him so much. I blame myself for everything that’s been going on. I’ve been such a pain in the ass, and I hate myself more than anyone else. I tried my best to adjust or at least make things right, but the more I try, the more things get worst.

At this point, I feel really scared that one day he will give up on me just because I can’t make myself right. I really want this relationship. There’s nothing else that I want right now but this only, and I feel bad about myself  for messing up, for ruining everything.

I don’t know what else to do. I can’t stand giving him a hard time anymore, at the same time, I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to lose someone I really want in my life so badly.

Sometimes I wish I could change myself instantly and leave tomorrow with a peaceful mind but I think that’s not going to happen anymore. My flight will be in the next 11 hours. I’m losing hope.

I don’t want to say goodbye, never did I imagine that I would be saying that to someone I love so much.