Read This If You Just Can’t Let Him Go

I know how hard it is to move on after a very painful breakup. Most especially when you just broke up with someone you’ve been with for a very long time.

I know, it’s never easy.

It’s never easy to go to bed and wake up knowing you’re all alone. It’s never easy to go to places you used to visit together. It’s never easy to leave home all by yourself. It’s never easy to do things on your own when you’ve been doing them together every single damn day. It’s never easy to celebrate important occasions and not getting any greetings from them at all. It’s never easy to face a rough day at work without that one person who used to comfort you. It’s never easy to face the day without getting any text messages or calls from that one special person who used to love you. I know all these things will haunt you as you try so hard to move forward.

I get it. You would still do anything to bring back the old times, but it’s not possible anymore. He’s in a new relationship and there you are, still trying to move on. But you can’t just move on that easily, so you message him occasionally, just to let him know you still care.

Stop, just please stop.

Don’t ever put yourself in a situation where you will look desperate. Don’t ever forget that if there’s one thing you need to focus on now, it’s yourself and nothing else. Don’t ever let your unsteady emotions stop you from moving forward. W

hat used to be yours is not yours anymore and you have to respect that. Respect his new relationship.

I know you’ve seen the pictures of them on Facebook. I know you messaged him a couple of times with another attempt to manipulate him into coming to your aid once again. I know you wanted to get a rise out of him and see if those feelings were still there. I know you’re starting to see that it’s different with her. I know you now see that he’s not taking the chance of messing things up with her.

I also know that you ask yourself over and over why he stopped replying and when he asked you to respect his new relationship part of you is crying on the inside. I know it’s hard to watch what used to be slip so far away. He’s happy with her and she’s happy with him.

I know how it feels to be in your shoes. I know what it’s like to see the guy you love move on with someone else. This is just simply a part of life.

She is not controlling him, he is with her by choice, he chooses her. She is not your enemy; she’s simply a girl who happens to fit a little bit better with your ex at this point in life. She’s just a girl in love—like you were and like you will be.

If you still love him, like you say you do, then you need to let him go and move on. Allow him to be happy—because he was broken too when you broke up, he just found a way to mend his heart with someone else. Don’t think he’s forgotten all about you. He is the man he is today partly because of you.

One day, you will be happy again. You won’t even notice that another guy is already making you smile, making every morning worth waking up for.

A Letter To My Unexpected Love

You came in like a storm with no warning, beautiful but deadly and boy was I in for a surprise.

Thank you for being my puzzle piece I didn’t know I was missing.

Thank you for coming into my life and blowing me off my feet.

I thank God that our paths had crossed because if it hadn’t I have no idea where I’d be right now. I’d honestly be lost without you.

Before we met I didn’t want a relationship. I was over it. I refused to believe that you’d be the one for me; all that was proven wrong when we decided to make it official. I will admit, it was so damn hard to trust and believe you. And, even when you talk to me in a serious manner, I still find it hard to believe that a guy like you would change for me.

You sent chills up and down my spine and set off a fire in me that I never knew was there. I’ve realized I don’t tell you ‘thank you’ enough.

Thank you for grabbing my hand and pulling me out of my darkness.

I know how difficult I can be sometimes because I have trust issues but you love me regardless.

Thank you for choosing to walk this path with me.

Out of all the paths, you could have chosen, you picked the one that I’m on. You grabbed my hand and led me down a new path we could explore together and there have been some beautiful sights.

Thank you for knowing how to calm me down and for being patient with me.

There are days when my ego gets the best of me. You stay patient with me even though sometimes I can be a little over the top you wait until I cool off and listen when I want to talk.

Thank you for making me feel like I can finally stop running from love.

I have been so tired of running and feeling like I can’t get close to someone without paying for it and with you, it’s not that way.

Thank you for literally every little thing you do for me.

There are some things that you do on a daily basis that goes unnoticed that mean a lot to me, like making sure you always give me a kiss before leaving or telling me that I’m beautiful even when I feel like crap, and making sure you communicate with me every day, making sure I don’t worry about you.

You taught me not every relationship is the same and that it can be magical and feel like something out of a storybook. You are my calm before the storm. You are my partner-in-crime, best friend, my laughing buddy. There’s no way I could thank you enough.

Thank you for being the push I didn’t know I needed. Thanks for showing me the world outside my comfort zone.

Thank you for being you, and most of all, thanks for laughing back at me.

Why Are We Blaming The Person The Cheater Cheated WITH, Rather Than Blaming The Cheater Himself

The other woman, slut, whore, homewrecker — we’ve heard it all before, and some of us have even said things like that about the women our partners cheated with. But why is that? Why do so many people blame the other woman? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that it’s okay to be involved with another woman’s man. What I am saying is, why are we blaming the person the cheater cheated WITH, rather than blaming the cheater himself?

I’ve been thinking about this issue for a long time because I’m amazed at the amount of hatred and rage that is directed toward the other woman.

If you’ve been cheated on and you’re blaming the other woman, you’re totally missing the point or you’re in serious denial.

Think about it. When you hear women talking about a man who cheated on his partner, what do they say? You might hear a little bit of, “She’s nothing but trash,” “She’s a low-life slut,” “She needs her ass kicked.” But why? How is it her fault that your man chose to cheat on you and break your heart? Why is it her responsibility to see that your man is faithful to you? Why does she owe that to you?

Women know what it’s like to fall in love and to love so deeply, you make yourself believe things you shouldn’t believe. Haven’t we all been there? It’s second nature to us, or make that, first nature. We want to believe that the man we love is not a lying, cheating user. We want to believe it when he says he loves us and wants to marry us. When you fall for a man, it’s difficult, if not impossible, to be completely objective and make good choices.

The reality, of course, is that the “other woman” isn’t a mythical creature with a magical vagina. She’s subject to the same lust-fade as the rest of us, regardless of whether she was the pursuer of your man. There is no guarantee of security — for anyone. It’s a fantasy that most men cheat because of the seductive qualities of the other woman. The truth is, men cheat for their own idiosyncratic, internal reasons.

For starters, maybe because it pumps up his ego to have another woman want him; because he’s under a lot of stress and sleeping with someone else offers him an escape; because he’s still too immature to truly commit to a monogamous relationship; because his friends cheat and get away with it, so they set an example for him; because in this age of hookup apps, he can hit it with another woman pretty damn easily; because he’s not feeling connected to you; because he’s not feeling connected to himself; because his father was a cheater and it’s a pattern of learned behavior; because cheating makes him feel adventurous and excited about life; because there are endless combinations of factors that can lead a man to stray that have nothing to do with another woman.

The purpose of this is not to condone having a relationship with a married or otherwise committed person. That’s not what I’m doing. And it’s certainly not to upset or anger anyone. I’d never want to do that. It’s to promote healing by understanding. If we don’t see the other woman as an all-powerful, cold-hearted monster who eats in a relationship men and their families for breakfast, we might be able to see that they are just women who are in very painful, very, very bad situations. They made bad decisions, many times based on false information they believed to be true. They believed promises that we all want to believe that someone loves us and wants to marry us.

There’s actually a higher purpose for this writing, which is to make women understand that even though the woman who has been intimate with your partner might not ever be your friend, she’s also not your enemy.

Remember this, that woman didn’t force your man to make the choice to cheat on you. No one put a gun to his head. HE is responsible for his own actions, including the one that has caused you so much pain. I’m only asking that you consider this and that you put the blame where it should be — ON THE CHEATER. If your home is wrecked, it isn’t the other woman that wrecked it. Your partner is the “homewrecker.” Don’t let him off the hook by blaming her. He’s a big boy, and he knew what he was doing.

Know Your Worth and Add Taxes To It

We don’t have to spent our entire lives being so selfless as fuck and make people happy when all they did was just threw us away like shit. We should stop giving shits to people who wouldn’t even bother to give the shits back to us. We don’t have to let them take us for granted. We should not waste our time on them if it’ll just mean hurting us in the process. We don’t have to be fucking nice to everyone.

And, if someone’s treating us badly, we have the power not to tolerate it. We have to be strong so people won’t walk the shit all over us. We cannot allow them to just treat us like that, we need to recognize our worth. We’re all so afraid to lose them to the point that we lose ourselves in the process.

We have to learn and embrace self-love and self-worth ’cause we’re worth more than every fucking thing. We must not accept the love we just think we deserved. We should over value ourselves and know that we don’t deserve less than what we deserve. We deserve better. We should take care of our own feelings first. Sometimes it’s okay to think of our own and be selfish at times. Because at the end of everything, all we got is ourselves. So we better give a god damn shit to what we feel.

“Don’t expect anyone to love or respect you if you don’t fully love yourself first.”

If we don’t understand all these things, how do we expect others? If we don’t love ourselves then who else will? It sucks because we’re too busy searching for love when in fact we can just find it in ourselves.

We must love ourselves first before anyone else will. And if they cannot see our value and importance, it’s really time for us to know our self-worth. So if everyone else on this world fails us, at least we still have ourselves in the end. When we finally realize our worth, we’ll easily walk away from our shitty past and to the people who don’t deserve us. Because somehow in the end, we’re responsible for creating our own happiness in this life. But first, we must feel it on the inside.

Love yourself, darling. Always love yourself more and never lose yourself in the process. You’re worth it and someone’s going to show you the kind of love that you won’t even doubt and you won’t even question even just for a second.

If You Think You Will Never Be Happy Again, Read This

A month ago, my thirteen months and twelve days long distance relationship ended. But, what you will be reading here is not about what happened, or that I miss him, or that I can’t let him go, or that I want him back. No, hell no. In fact, I’m glad it’s over.

This is about the life I found after I finally got out of the hell I was in for over a year.

I would be lying to myself and to everyone if I say our breakup didn’t break me. It did break and hurt me like hell. In fact, I really thought I won’t survive. That the earth will eat me alive, that my life is over, or that I will never be happy again. Crappy, same old, drama.

I am here to tell you that life is beautiful.

That same day, I went out to meet with friends, tell them what happened, drink some beer (only in tolerable doses, I still care for my liver) and asked God to give me strength through prayers. I did the same routine for 30 days. I did everything to survive. I did not give my brain some time and space to allow bad memories to flashback, even good ones. I did everything to survive, to move on, to accept, and to forgive. And yes, I survived.

I am here to tell you to help yourself.

I totally understand how much it hurts to lose someone you deeply love. I get that, it sucks the life out of you. But remember, things happen for a reason, and let me tell you this, the reason is always beautiful and surprising. Beautiful, because once someone leaves, better things are coming. Surprising, because whoever comes, it will surely be greater than who left.

Do everything that you can to forget. I don’t care if you need to go out and see friends every day. I don’t care if you need to sleepover at your girl friend’s house every night. I don’t care if you need to post all your dramas on Facebook, or to any social media that you owned. I don’t care, just move on, be happy, let go of the guilt, the hurt, and the insecurities.

Don’t let anyone stop you from doing the things that make you feel better because no one has the right to tell you what is right and what is wrong this time. In your current state, you are your own boss. You know yourself better. You know what makes you feel ok, so go ahead and live your life the way you think it is hurt-free.

I am here to tell you that you always have a choice.

You can lock yourself in your room, cry the entire day, ask yourself what went wrong, allow your thoughts to eat you—you can hella do that if you want. Do that for a week, months, or even years, no one will stop you.

But, I know that one day, you will tell yourself that you don’t want to grieve for your loss anymore, that you are tired of it all. And, you will finally decide to forget and move on. So, why not do it right away? Why do you put yourself in a hellish situation, if later on, you will still decide to move on? (Take note: MOVING ON IS A CHOICE). You see, at the end of it all, you will still choose to be ok. Let me tell you now, do it. Choose to be ok. Don’t make yourself suffer any longer because darling, you deseve to be happy.

I am here to tell you that you will be happy again.

If forgetting and moving on is a choice, much more being happy.

Go out, meet new friends, help a stranger, double your efforts at work, do something different, find a new hobby, cook a meal for your family, spend time with your cousins, play with your pet, read a book, try new places to eat or dine, go on long drives, treat a friend, watch a movie, pamper yourself, color your nails, have some eyelash extension, give yourself a very relaxing massage, go to the beach, alone or with friends, sponsor a child, hit the gym, try something different, change your routine. Be weird, be crazy, be wild, be something different. In no time, you’ll get by, and you will be ok, guaranteed.

I am here to tell you that you will love and get hurt again.

You will meet new people. You will like someone. You will love them but it is not guaranteed that they will love you back. It’s either they are in a relationship or they just don’t like you at all. For whatever reason, you will fall in love again, and that’s life.

This time you are stronger, braver, and most importantly, you know better.

I am here to tell you that you are not alone.

Yes, even if you feel so effing alone. Even if you are ‘literally’ alone, you are not. Your family, friends, and above all, God is with you in this new journey. After all, God is the one who is redirecting you to a new path to save you. Sometimes, God breaks our hearts for a number of reasons.

It could be that our hearts lead us astray. When God gives us a partner, we work toward that point as if our life depended on it (because we think it does). And somewhere along the way, that person can become our god. And God becomes an afterthought that we occasionally ask to bless our relationship. And just like that, our hearts have led us astray.

It could also be that God is jealous. Often, our partner becomes our God. We make it into an idol and organize our life in worship to it. Whether it is a relationship, career path, academic degree, status symbol, or to-do list we are determined to complete, when that becomes the ruling authority in our lives, it is an idol. And God is a jealous God. He wants to be number one in our hearts and lives. Because He is God – that is His right.

Another thing is that God loves us. In breaking our hearts, God is rescuing us from ourselves. God breaks our hearts, not to hurt us or because He enjoys our pain – no! God breaks our hearts when we have become so focused on something, rather than on Him. He breaks our heart because it is the only way He can save us from ourselves. He breaks our heart because it is the only way to remove a person that is not best for His daughter.

And most of all, God is seeking a relationship. I remembered that God had set me on this path, but had not promised the endpoint. Many times God may lead us down a certain path toward an unknown door.  We, of course, are focused solely on the door at the end of the journey.  When we reach the end, we may find that the door is locked. God did not lie or forsake us. We may be distracted by the human goal, but God was leading us toward an eternal goal – a closer relationship with Him.

What do you do when God breaks your heart?

When God breaks your heart, hand Him the pieces.

Because He is good and trustworthy and He will always do the best thing.  God is good, and even though your relationship ended, your heart rested securely in the arms of our Savior. Looking back, you see now that God had to break your heart to remove that person so that He could guide you to a far better one. God was acting in your best interest, even though it hurts.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart.” (Prov. 3:5-6)