What makes up a good girlfriend? How do you know when you have one? How do you become one?
By Lorna Poole
- She’s supportive: She’s a fan of all our endeavours, and doesn’t delight in belittling us, mocking our efforts or generally ruining our mojo. If we feel we have a mission or calling in life, then we need someone who will help, not hinder us.
- She’s a good person: If we can’t think of half a dozen or so reasons why this is the case then ‘Houston, we have a problem.’ She’s sexy and I want to sleep with her do not count as good reasons that she’s a good person, by the way. Attraction and infatuation are all very good, but can lead you into the trap of an ‘instantly heavy’ relationship. These rarely last.
- She’s honest: Even when it’s not easy to hear. We’ll get along just fine with a “yes” woman…for a while. But to build something lasting, we’ll need someone who is happy to call us on our bullshit. Also, an honest person who is not afraid to say how they feel about things will be less likely to say stuff to please us, and then put up with something they actually dislike — that’s the road to resentment, which can destroy relationships.
- You can bring her home to meet your mom…or anywhere else, without being in a funk that her dress, or behavior or anything else is going to cause embarrassment. If she’s great fun for a night out, or in the bedroom, but nowhere else, then it’s a non-starter.
- The chemistry is there: I don’t mean coke & mentos chemistry. Explosive is not what we’re after. I’m talking about sharing a sense of humor, making each other laugh, and having complimentary personalities. If this chemistry grows, not fades, then we know we’re onto a good thing.
- The ‘ex’ factor: We all have them, but how we relate to them or describe our relationship with them says a lot about how available we are. If she’s still fighting with them, she’s probably not available, or could be demonstrating how things will end in your relationship. If she’s their best buddy, then that’s possibly not a great sign either.
- The three F’s: Family, friends and faith (or lack of!) If she can’t respect these three areas of our life, then she’s not the one for us. Whatever our beliefs, she needs live with and respect them. She might not think all our friends are great, but she needs to not be too selective about which of them she wants to spend time around. If she does that, she’s making it harder for us to be around them, and effectively limiting our contact with them. That rings our ‘she’s trying to change who I am’ alarm bell.
- She gives us space…To fix cars, climb mountains, play video games, put the world to rights over beers with our friends or whatever man-crap we need to do in our free time. Crying, fighting or sulking when we chose to do those things once in a while is not good.
- She’s not our usual type: If we have a usual type, then we could be repeating relationship mistakes. Choosing not just the same physical type but the same toxic behavioural traits in women. The fact that things are different, and you’re a tall, quiet brunette when we have a trail of exes who are short bubbly blondes is a good indicator, rather than something to worry about.
- She likes herself: Someone who isn’t comfortable in their own skin is holy hell to deal with. Occasional compliment fishing or looking for reassurance about something is on the normal scale. Someone looking for that stuff all the time shows no confidence, and will wear out even the most patient man.
- She forgives easily: One grudge fosters resentment, and can destroy a relationship. Many grudges are a recipe for disaster. If she shows that she bears grudges and finds it difficult to forgive and move on where exes are concerned, with colleagues or in any area of life, then she’s not the one for us. We’re not looking for a pushover, but someone who understands that the past is the past and can leave it where it belongs.